Category Archives: Personal

Name change! Game change!

1509932_798372306894710_4202246855238049106_nWhen I first started this blog, I came to the part for a name & found myself searching for something clever, yet revealing. I sat there in kind of a panic, but then, saw that I could change it later, so I just made something up & moved on.

This name kind of came about, because someone said this to me, & I liked it. I work in Nutritional Services, in a Hospital, & one of the jobs, I do quite often, is called The Checker. We have a patient food tray assembly line & The Checker, is the last person, to make sure that everything, is on the tray, & is what the patient ordered, & is presentable, before it is loaded into a cart, & delivered to the patient who ordered the tray.

It is a job, that I had applied for several times, but my boss, always went out of her way, to give to someone else, without even acknowledging the fact, that I had applied for the job. I work with another boss, sometimes, on the weekends & she decided a long time ago, that she wanted me doing the job & not the woman who was hired for it, when she was there!

A couple of times, when there were call offs, I did the job, & eventually, it was decided, that since I have days where I hardly miss a thing, I should be doing it, instead of the last person, who was hired, off of the street, to do it! Kind of funny, how that worked out! When I had asked about it, she always tried to act like, she felt my mind wandered off of the task at hand a lot. In other words, I am scatter-brained & stupid.

Okay, back to the name! I have a voice, that is not usually loud or bold, so as we did tray line, I had to call out the different departments, as we were setting up the trays, for that department, for the cook, to know what tickets to pull & cook next. There were a lot of times, when the cooks said, they couldn’t hear me, because my voice was too soft & timid sounding.

One of the women, eventually told me to try to Find My Big Girl Voice. I laughed about it at the time, but she said it several times, over the next few weeks & I guess, the seed was planted. I started projecting my voice more & more & still have to remind myself to do this, on the job. We kind of had fun with it & the cook would say “Yes, Ma’am!”, when I boldly called out to him…guess you would have hd to have been there, to fully appreciate it!

I had also been going through some personal transformations,& realized that I was not being heard, or maybe even listened to in other areas of my life. The more you are ignored, the less you say, & the less you have to say.

I was born a middle child & that’s a whole other area of having to be flexible & accommodating. I am also a Libra, & we are great at doing the balancing act.

I found, that I had been this way, a lot over the years. I let the people, who could never shut up & let me talk, or ignored me, or just talked over me, have their say, & I became silent. This is also something I have been working on, in the other areas of my life & one day it just came to me, that I needed to Find My Big Girl Voice in all areas of my life & stop being a door mat.

It was kind of one of those Eureka! Light Bulb! Aha! Exhilarating & Empowering moments! I had found the name for my Blog, FaceBook Page, & maybe even Book in a happy accident! I even named one of my Pinterest Boards “Finding My Big Girl Voice”! I Pin inspirational & empowering articles, quotes & stories, on this Board! It’s like, I have suddenly come back to life!


Who I am & why I am here


I had been thinking of starting a blog for awhile now & have a lot going on in my life & have felt a lot of turmoil. I decided I need an outlet for all of the things that are not the way I want them to be or ever, in a million years, imagined them to be.

My name is Charisse. I am in my 50’s & my kids are recently grown & either gone or leaving soon.

I got married for the one & only time in September of 1987. My divorce became final in April, 2010.

I have 2 children, both boys, & they are almost 22 & 20. I have one Grandson who is about 6 months old.

I am living in an almost 2000 sq. ft. home, & in the process of going through everything I own, to downsize to a much smaller house that I will be renting because I am losing my home, due to foreclosure. We bought the house in 1995, so this has been really hard to go through.

I work at a local hospital, in the Nutritional Department on the Patient Food Tray Line. I have been there for almost 9 years.

I went to school in 2010, & got certification as a Medical Office Specialist to try to find a better paying job, so that I could afford to be able to keep my home. I have yet to find a better paying job in that field or any other.

My ex-husband died suddenly in 2011 & had not paid off the 2nd mortgage that was his responsibility in the divorce, so that payment fell on me, in addition to the 1st mortgage, that I was responsible for. I gradually ran out of savings & what I took out of my 401k & got behind on payments. I tried 3 times to re-finance the mortgage & when that didn’t work, I tried to get modifications in order to lower the payments. None of those efforts panned out either.

I will be writing about all of the above things & more. Each thing has its own story & are part of what lead me to losing my home & close to losing my mind.

I am angry about so many things that I had no control over & I think writing about it will help me to come to some understanding & to some conclusions, if I can look at them, written down.