Name change! Game change!

1509932_798372306894710_4202246855238049106_nWhen I first started this blog, I came to the part for a name & found myself searching for something clever, yet revealing. I sat there in kind of a panic, but then, saw that I could change it later, so I just made something up & moved on.

This name kind of came about, because someone said this to me, & I liked it. I work in Nutritional Services, in a Hospital, & one of the jobs, I do quite often, is called The Checker. We have a patient food tray assembly line & The Checker, is the last person, to make sure that everything, is on the tray, & is what the patient ordered, & is presentable, before it is loaded into a cart, & delivered to the patient who ordered the tray.

It is a job, that I had applied for several times, but my boss, always went out of her way, to give to someone else, without even acknowledging the fact, that I had applied for the job. I work with another boss, sometimes, on the weekends & she decided a long time ago, that she wanted me doing the job & not the woman who was hired for it, when she was there!

A couple of times, when there were call offs, I did the job, & eventually, it was decided, that since I have days where I hardly miss a thing, I should be doing it, instead of the last person, who was hired, off of the street, to do it! Kind of funny, how that worked out! When I had asked about it, she always tried to act like, she felt my mind wandered off of the task at hand a lot. In other words, I am scatter-brained & stupid.

Okay, back to the name! I have a voice, that is not usually loud or bold, so as we did tray line, I had to call out the different departments, as we were setting up the trays, for that department, for the cook, to know what tickets to pull & cook next. There were a lot of times, when the cooks said, they couldn’t hear me, because my voice was too soft & timid sounding.

One of the women, eventually told me to try to Find My Big Girl Voice. I laughed about it at the time, but she said it several times, over the next few weeks & I guess, the seed was planted. I started projecting my voice more & more & still have to remind myself to do this, on the job. We kind of had fun with it & the cook would say “Yes, Ma’am!”, when I boldly called out to him…guess you would have hd to have been there, to fully appreciate it!

I had also been going through some personal transformations,& realized that I was not being heard, or maybe even listened to in other areas of my life. The more you are ignored, the less you say, & the less you have to say.

I was born a middle child & that’s a whole other area of having to be flexible & accommodating. I am also a Libra, & we are great at doing the balancing act.

I found, that I had been this way, a lot over the years. I let the people, who could never shut up & let me talk, or ignored me, or just talked over me, have their say, & I became silent. This is also something I have been working on, in the other areas of my life & one day it just came to me, that I needed to Find My Big Girl Voice in all areas of my life & stop being a door mat.

It was kind of one of those Eureka! Light Bulb! Aha! Exhilarating & Empowering moments! I had found the name for my Blog, FaceBook Page, & maybe even Book in a happy accident! I even named one of my Pinterest Boards “Finding My Big Girl Voice”! I Pin inspirational & empowering articles, quotes & stories, on this Board! It’s like, I have suddenly come back to life!

The brainwashing of my son!

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I wrote this a little while ago, in response to some idiocy, I saw on a family members FB wall…you can kind of tell, who the family member was… :-* I’m really tired of seeing the crap that comes out of some of these people’s mouths…I figure, it’ will probably get deleted & I may even get blocked, but I wanted it on the record!🙂 Why don’t people bother to think for themselves!

“I really have a hard time believing I raised you or that you are my son, or stood in those food lines with me, while I worked 2 jobs, got no child support, & never asked for assistance…these kind, benevolent, business owners, give to “charity” to get even more tax breaks than they are already getting, for the pats on the back, & publicity & many, once they are older & finally grow a conscience, realize what absolute bastards they really were! Why can’t they just let the “charity” start at home & pay their employees a living wage, so they don’t have to work 2-3 jobs & still ask for “handouts from the government”…what you don’t even realize, is that it is these “slum employers” who are getting the handout, because “we the people” are subsidizing their businesses by paying their employees the rest of what these greedy bastards should have been paying them in the first place!”

Who I am & why I am here

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I had been thinking of starting a blog for awhile now & have a lot going on in my life & have felt a lot of turmoil. I decided I need an outlet for all of the things that are not the way I want them to be or ever, in a million years, imagined them to be.

My name is Charisse. I am in my 50’s & my kids are recently grown & either gone or leaving soon.

I got married for the one & only time in September of 1987. My divorce became final in April, 2010.

I have 2 children, both boys, & they are almost 22 & 20. I have one Grandson who is about 6 months old.

I am living in an almost 2000 sq. ft. home, & in the process of going through everything I own, to downsize to a much smaller house that I will be renting because I am losing my home, due to foreclosure. We bought the house in 1995, so this has been really hard to go through.

I work at a local hospital, in the Nutritional Department on the Patient Food Tray Line. I have been there for almost 9 years.

I went to school in 2010, & got certification as a Medical Office Specialist to try to find a better paying job, so that I could afford to be able to keep my home. I have yet to find a better paying job in that field or any other.

My ex-husband died suddenly in 2011 & had not paid off the 2nd mortgage that was his responsibility in the divorce, so that payment fell on me, in addition to the 1st mortgage, that I was responsible for. I gradually ran out of savings & what I took out of my 401k & got behind on payments. I tried 3 times to re-finance the mortgage & when that didn’t work, I tried to get modifications in order to lower the payments. None of those efforts panned out either.

I will be writing about all of the above things & more. Each thing has its own story & are part of what lead me to losing my home & close to losing my mind.

I am angry about so many things that I had no control over & I think writing about it will help me to come to some understanding & to some conclusions, if I can look at them, written down.

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